My abuse, I never ever in the world of pig’s pudding ever thought, or had any reason to expect, Robinson to walk back into my life.  He did, it was shocking what we all went through and what we all had to relive in detail to an open Court of Law.  What happened is that he made us all go through the abuse.  Would I do it again?  Yes, without a doubt.  I was proud to do my duty, even if it was 49 years late.  I faced the bastard in court, looked at him, eye to eye.  I am a better person for what I did.  It was not easy, but yes, I am very proud.  I don’t cry so much now.  I can talk about this subject.  But I have found that I am still very emotional.  I just do not cry so much.

The Legal System:  I found the Legal System was on my side, the side of the innocent man or, in my case, the innocent 12 year old lad.  I was very encouraged by the amount of “good people,” that I have met whilst travelling along this road to court and beyond.

Justice, “did I get Justice?”   I don’t think I did.  I got an evil bastard off the streets, but I don’t think I got justice.  Justice to me would have been to be treated like all the other victims.  I have not been treated that way.  I would have been happy to get compensation of some kind.  I would have taken Jill on a holiday, bought her things, etc, to say thank you for sticking by me.  I now realise we nearly lost everything we had, and I don’t mean money, or property.  Robinson came very close to breaking us up, the bastard.

The Church:  Well, the Cloyne Report was at last published, what horrors, how shocking, what a load of bastards.  All my life I have feared nuns and priests.  I’m now grown up and I am not scared of the bastards anymore.  I genuinely feel very sorry for the 99.99% of genuine Christian priests, preaching and doing good work.  I feel so sorry for them, being tarred with the same brush as these evil bastards.  I still feel that the catholic church is the evil empire.  I am so anti Church; yesterday, The Papal Nuncio left Ireland to go back to the Vatican.  He had been recalled.  He should have been expelled.  Please try to picture this; him about to board his plane, Enda Kenny, Irish Prime Minister, walking up behind him and doing a “Bishop Brennon”(Bishop Brennon; Father Ted – made in UK, for the Irish TV) – kicking him up the ARSE.”  Don’t forget the photo Doughal.

Over the past months and, especially now, writing “My Story,” for this blog, I have spent weeks, months thinking, going deep inside my head.  I have come up with these pages.  Whether they will do the trick, I don’t know.  But I am honoured.  You are giving me the chance.  I wish to say thank you.  But as I come very close to today, coming up to date as it were, I will still put down my thoughts and send you my latest pages.  I would like to leave with the last paragraph, probably the most important words I have yet written.

I have more Christianity on the soul of my shoe and that includes the “dog dirt.”  When will they ever get it?  When will they ever understand?  I quote a very famous line, by Edmund Burke, “all that is necessary for evil to succeed, is good men do nothing.”  Edmund Burke was born in Ireland in January 1729, his words will last forever.  After the recent Cloyne Report, I am very sad to say, that his words fit perfectly.  Today’s Catholic Church, in Ireland and from my experience, in Great Britain and yes, throughout the World, why do good men do nothing?

I was also in contact with a Journalist, Chris Moore, from Northern Ireland.  He was the journalist who brought out into the open the case of Brendan Smyth, one of Ireland’s most evil bastards.  Again, a cover up by the church enabled him to abuse for decades.  No different from how the church in England handled Robinson.  I am still in contact with Chris as I write.

I also received a reply to my letter to The Honourable Patrick Thomas QC.  It was a wonderful letter, giving me encouragement in my quest for truth and justice.  I also sent a request to West Midlands Police and the CPS, asking for information under the Freedom of Information Act.  But they will not help me, as the information, shows the Police in a very bad light.  They failed in their duty in 1985 to investigate.  It was obviously at the church’s request.  I have now been offered the information, if I apply to court.  Various restrictions will apply, but as this material was read out in court, I am determined to get it.  Then I will know exactly why they do not want to help me now.  I am of the opinion that the police helped me purely to help themselves, to make their job easier.  Now I am surplus to their requirements.  I am, in fact, a redundant tool.  So they think.  But I would still do it all again, no matter what.  I’m now a spare part, making waves.

One day in April, I had just got home and the phone went.  I picked it up and a voice asked for Geoff Smith.  Without any hesitation I said, “hello R.”  It was RK.  He could not get over the fact that I remembered his voice.  But as I said to him, how could I forget?  I explained to R that Christmas had come early this year, as I was so very pleased to hear from him.  We spoke on many occasions and I arranged to meet him in a pub in Brownhills, together with GS and AM.  On the day of the get together I phoned LE asking for them to join us, but they were busy.

We all met and had a couple of pints.  My brothers C and B also went along.  It was very interesting talking after the trial.  We were in a very, very busy pub.  We were all sitting together, no one would have known outside our circle what a brave, strong and determined bunch of grown up lads were there.  It was great to get to see each other.  I am again proud of my association with them.

I often look back at the 15 months prior to the trial.  My brothers stood by me. This is the most important fact to me.  It took Robinson to come back for us to get together.

Thank you Brothers.

Having spent the last two years looking back over my life, I have found out many things about my family, about my abuse, about the Legal System and about the church.

I put in a claim from the CICA (Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority), which was quickly rejected on the grounds that the abuse against me was in summer 1961 and the CICA was formed in 1964.  So I was not allowed to get any compensation.  I sent a letter trying to appeal what is to me a very unjust outcome.  I still maintain it was, in my case, very unfortunate that, as an eleven year old, I was unaware of the date of the forming of the CICA.

It was, looking back, rather stupid of me, being raped by a trainee priest prior to the CICA.  Given my life again and the fact that I am now aware of this date, I would reject the abuse by this man.  Should I have asked him to come back in 3 years time?  Very bad timing on my part.

They seem to overlook the fact that the abuse I suffered may have started in1961,but has affected me each day, each week, each month and, I suppose, each year since that date.  I think it is very good of them to have at least sent me a reply to my original claim.  I would however have appreciated being told to F*^# off, rather than picking the date of 1964, to turn me down.  After all, their aim to help the innocent who are abused by criminal acts says a lot about me.  Incidentally, when the Judge was giving his summing up he told us all that the Police helped GS get £22,500 in CICA compensation.  His abuse started in 1958.  How was he able to get compensation prior to a conviction?  I do not begrudge G one penny of his claim.  He deserves it and more.  But in any way you look at it, surely CICA should be fair to each case.  I submitted a written appeal, which was again rejected owing to the 1964 commencement of the CICA, as my abuse was prior to this date.  I am saddened, disgusted and very angry at their lack of compassion to me.  I am the only one of the six victims appearing in Court who cannot get compensated for the wrongdoing that I suffered.  Shame on them.

I wrote a letter to Paul Kenyon at the BBC and subsequently, we spoke on a few occasions.  He promised to help my cause and try to get Midlands Today at Pebble Mill, Birmingham, to make a report, a follow up to the reports after the trial.  But nothing ever came of my efforts.  He did however, tell me that a man in Scotland had a letter from West Midlands Police, apologising for the Force’s lack of investigation back in 1985.  I asked for a copy, but nothing has arrived.  At least I tried.  I have to say, J is getting very, I don’t quite know how to put it, she wants her old life back.

I can’t put the genie back in the bottle, he won’t go.  I didn’t ask for this crap, this history to come back into my life, but it did, I can’t help it.  J thinks I’m on a one man crusade.  Maybe I am.  All I know is that I have a duty to stick up for children today.  When I was 12, no one stuck up for me.  I am not willing to walk away.

Having arrived home, and gone over with J what went on in court (I believe the Military call it a debrief) life slowly got back to its ebb and flow.  I got back into work and all seemed well.  I went to visit a friend of mine, the legal advisor.  I went for morning coffee, free legal advice and another session of debriefing.  I have to say, as one who has never been offered or taken counselling, I can wholeheartedly, from my experience, advise anyone to talk; if not to a counselor, talk to a friend.  I know, take it from me; it does help.  I know this from my own experience.  Oh yes, I also walked out of the legal advisor’s house with three weeks work, decorating the whole of the interior of his Georgian farmhouse.  Is that lucky or what?  It was very instructive to him as well as me, telling my side of the legal story, telling of my experiences with the Law.

I also, as matter of urgency, put in a claim for my expenses for the trial.  I was paid for my ferry ticket, diesel and for the two days in the witness box.  I was assured by the Police that my expenses for my original interview of August 09, as well as the three weeks waiting time at the court, would be paid, when the church paid my compensation.

I took the time to write after a few weeks, when what had happened to me had finally sunk in.  When I had had time to think about what had gone on.  I wrote to the West Midlands Police, The CPS, The Crown Court Staff and the Judge, each one in turn.  I thanked them for their patience, consideration, compassion and their Professionalism.  I would stand by all four.  I was very proud to be associated with them, they did a magnificent job.  Those are the feelings of all the victims and the witnesses.  I told the police to phone me if at any time they have a victim of child sexual abuse and they would like someone who has been there, who knows what they are going through, to talk with them.  I would advise them to go forward, but I would not persuade them.  I know it is up to you, not anyone else.  I did it, I am proud I did it.  I would do it again.

On a personal level I would use the word “liberated.”  That’s how it made me feel.