35. I Am Not Willing To Walk Away

I put in a claim from the CICA (Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority), which was quickly rejected on the grounds that the abuse against me was in summer 1961 and the CICA was formed in 1964.  So I was not allowed to get any compensation.  I sent a letter trying to appeal what is to me a very unjust outcome.  I still maintain it was, in my case, very unfortunate that, as an eleven year old, I was unaware of the date of the forming of the CICA.

It was, looking back, rather stupid of me, being raped by a trainee priest prior to the CICA.  Given my life again and the fact that I am now aware of this date, I would reject the abuse by this man.  Should I have asked him to come back in 3 years time?  Very bad timing on my part.

They seem to overlook the fact that the abuse I suffered may have started in1961,but has affected me each day, each week, each month and, I suppose, each year since that date.  I think it is very good of them to have at least sent me a reply to my original claim.  I would however have appreciated being told to F*^# off, rather than picking the date of 1964, to turn me down.  After all, their aim to help the innocent who are abused by criminal acts says a lot about me.  Incidentally, when the Judge was giving his summing up he told us all that the Police helped GS get £22,500 in CICA compensation.  His abuse started in 1958.  How was he able to get compensation prior to a conviction?  I do not begrudge G one penny of his claim.  He deserves it and more.  But in any way you look at it, surely CICA should be fair to each case.  I submitted a written appeal, which was again rejected owing to the 1964 commencement of the CICA, as my abuse was prior to this date.  I am saddened, disgusted and very angry at their lack of compassion to me.  I am the only one of the six victims appearing in Court who cannot get compensated for the wrongdoing that I suffered.  Shame on them.

I wrote a letter to Paul Kenyon at the BBC and subsequently, we spoke on a few occasions.  He promised to help my cause and try to get Midlands Today at Pebble Mill, Birmingham, to make a report, a follow up to the reports after the trial.  But nothing ever came of my efforts.  He did however, tell me that a man in Scotland had a letter from West Midlands Police, apologising for the Force’s lack of investigation back in 1985.  I asked for a copy, but nothing has arrived.  At least I tried.  I have to say, J is getting very, I don’t quite know how to put it, she wants her old life back.

I can’t put the genie back in the bottle, he won’t go.  I didn’t ask for this crap, this history to come back into my life, but it did, I can’t help it.  J thinks I’m on a one man crusade.  Maybe I am.  All I know is that I have a duty to stick up for children today.  When I was 12, no one stuck up for me.  I am not willing to walk away.